Thursday, 7 April 2011

30 Day Film Challenge - Day Two...

Least Favourite Film - OPEN WATER

Not to be blunt or anything, but I fucking HATE this film with a passion!!!  It even beats Batman and Robin in the crap stakes!  When this giant steaming turd came out I was working at Vue Cinema in Plymouth, Engieland (for all y'all American's reading this!).  When the initial trailer and posters came out, it actually looked pretty sweet.  I was actually looking forward to it.  I mean, this poster below is pretty cool.  How wrong could I have been though!?!

When we got the print in, me and a few of the guys that I worked with stayed back later to watch it before it was released to the general public.  I don't think a single one of us liked it.  Not really a good thing when you're supposed to tell the customers what a film is about when they ask and not give your opinion.  Clearly this was impossible for someone who can't keep their gob shut for two seconds.  It pissed me off so much that so many people were coming into see this shit, it was selling out out biggest screens and there were queues out the door.  Standing on gate taking tickets and queuing people, there was lots of chit chat and I remember one guy asking me if I had seen it and were it any good.  My reply - "If you're not out within the first 15 minutes you can't get a refund."  To which he obviously asked were it that bad.  Me being the stellar customer service kinda gal replied - "It's fucking shite!"  He then ended up going to see something else that I recommended instead.  The good thing about being a movie geek and knowing your stuff is that people do generally tend to listen to you.  Haha.

So what was my problem with the film I hear you say?  Okay, the characters were two of the most annoying twats I have ever witnessed onscreen.  Big fucking whoop they got stranded in the water.  Yes, it would have been terrifying had they not been so fucking annoying.  The majority of the movie was just them floating around complaining about how shit their marriage was and that they both worked too much.  Big fucking deal.  Fair enough, we don't know what the two individuals whom this was based on talked about.  I bet they weren't this fucking boring.  And I'm pretty sure they would have known what a fucking jelly fish was when it brushed by them.

At the end of the day, it was terrible characterisation that destroyed what could have been an original and truly terrifying film.  I am shit scared of water so that would have been enough to scare the crap out of me anyway.  Not even that made me feel edgy, hell, I just wanted Sharky and George to hurry along and eat the fuckers and sell the rest of their body parts to the shark mafia of the sea.  Sure as hell would have made a more interesting film.  But then again, a bloody episode of Sharky and George had better writing and characterisation than this pish!

So yes, if you have not had the pain of watching this crap then I wouldn't recommend it.  And I like to watch shite.  Trust me, I really do.  I mean, I love SNAKES ON A TRAIN.  Haha.  But no, this is the ultimate in crapness!!!  AVOID! :)


  1. I'll give you that they are annoying, but that movie scared the shit out of me. It has made me swear off ever diving, for life. Although, Steve Alten's books haven't helped with the ol' hydrophobia now, have they?

  2. See The Blair Witch Project scared me and they were annoying too but ugh, Open Water, just truly hated it! With a passion!


The comments section is there to discuss and converse. Constructive criticism is always good, bad mouthing people and being a douche is not! So don't be a douche, mmmm'kay!